Uncategorized – translating thoughts

Unmasking…….

Hi,i don’t know, how to began,the following words,pieces from my experiences ,is about a topic that has been a prominent aspect ,through my journey.I am sure,there are many,holding a lot within ,very similar or different to what i would share.As I am typing these thoughts,I enter it with considerable hesitation and self doubt,if you have tried to get a hint of it,it is the very subject of mental health.

Mental health,a lot has been already spoken,huge awareness movements have been going on around the globe to educate about de-stigmatising mental health and most importantly recognising that it can be a chronic condition that can be a part of a functional human.Despite a loud shoutout by medical community, volunteers who have faced mental health challenges and various support organisations, unfortunately it still isn’t openly recieved and its existence is underestimated.

It is very understandable and obvious that,mind is an invisible functional part of a human.The psyche can be really hard or cannot be deciphered at all by commoners,unless one is trained to understand the signs and symptoms of a perturbed working of the mind.What does this mean to the one who is navigating through mental health difficulties??? not being seen,not being heard ,not having a space to vent ,which sums up to fighting a deep dark lonely battle.I understand that any form of challenge faced by a person can only be overcome by their own will and effort,but through this lonely journey,it greatly matters to have a supporting environment,that aids in the healing of a person .Your immediate environment is your family , including parental figures and siblings,of them the involvement of a parental figure is a source of great strength and support.The lack of a parental involvement,can feel like a painful letdown,almost like another crater of a wound that feels unsettling.

The paradox of mental health ,is never understood enough.Someone could appear normal and deep down suffering through numerous symptoms,that are roadblocks,a person needs to navigate on everyday basis ,yet preserve a sense of functionality.The battle is extremely hard to the one going through it,as it remains obscure to world outside and the expression of emotional baggage ,that seems eccentric, with spontaneous bouts of intense emotions ,is deeply misunderstood by not just the society,but the immediate circle of family members.What isn’t understood is the fact,that abnormalcy isn’t a condition arrived at will or a disturbance under control.The entanglement is deep,a wound that doesn’t heal too quickly ,it remains in the backdrop,reminding one of how it feels .

Suffering is inevitable,but what makes it tolerable,is through a sense of comfort,to have people ,letting one be,to be able to have your emotional upheavals sensitised to, especially a parental figure.Often I have used the term parental figure,quite repetitively,as only parents could be truly selfless and are a embodiment of selflessness,forgiveness and love all at the same time.A parent is a pillar ,that strengthens and nurtures a being’s presence and the need to be loved.A parental safe space is so very significant,in shaping a human that you become.The sad part is intentionally or unintentionally,your parents become the cause of your struggle,inflicting traumas and missing to play the role of protectors or nurturers.The pieces of experiences shared may not be the truth in most cases,but it cannot be discarded as a lie either,as according to the norm parents are supposed to be ideal characters.

I do not want to debate ,on the character of a parent,but on the very process of parenting .No doubt that most parents have good will for their children,but the style of parenting or the foundational principles on which a child gets raised ,may or may not go well with a child,as child’s basic needs may not be met.It is so important to be an involved parent,rather than just a mundane provider,most parents think that by being a provider,they favour their child’s well being.While the child does take a liking to the amenities it gets,it isn’t seeking it all the time,what it does seek and rely on is the presence of a parent in terms of the parent’s love and attention to detail.What a child truly wants is a safe space to be uninhibitedly itself ,without the fear of being judged or policed.

When there is a missing safe space in parental figures,a child tends to cover up or hide its authenticity and this in turn could be traumatic,to force oneself to be invisible,and there in begans a journey of carrying traumas that speaks up itself in adult life.

Whether the trauma is due to parenting or otherwise,i truly believe parents are a safe space that can be a catalyst to healing or at least a vent to inner turmoil.I can’t emphasise enough on role of parent and also to consider if one truly wants to commit to the unconditional role of a parent,as the role of a parent isn’t a patchy involvement ,it is an agreement for life to be a child’s safe space.

My reflection on parenting and parental figures,has been a part of my own experience.As someone who has been under emotionally unavailable parents,having no connect to either of them,it feels a loss .You fail as a person in coping with emotional challenges and it can get very hard to endure pain for a very long time.The sad perspective is ,i served you well as parent , providing all that you wanted, i can’t believe,that I am not a good parent .Yes you did the part of providing perfectly,but i missed a safe space and now i am a broken adult trying to fix myself!!

Trying to ……..

I happened to be comfortably ,tucked under a blanket on a cold winter night and as i let my thoughts flow,I have taken a vow to be on a fairly constant journey of writing.As a person,who has always found writing very interesting,it is important that I give life to my interest and express my desire ,as that is what feels comforting to the soul.We all know what we desire the most,how to get them ,yet we remain unfocused,lost amidst the other calls of life to never attend to what feeds our soul.

Yes,it is natural to loose track,leave things in between ,loose interest,get busy,loose heart ,loose mind and whatever may be the reasons,you still can get back and restart the journey.It is ok to pause or take a hiatus,i have reminded and reassured myself with these lines to energise my journey as a writer.

On one of my exploration’s to a beautiful place,with a tribute to lord shiva in Kerala!!

Let me began with the interesting reads that I am in the middle of.I am currently reading a book called Tuesdays with morrie.This book was a recommendation by a travel vlogger, and i decided to go ahead and read it.This book is a profoundly insightful book ,the main protagonist as suggested by the title of this book is professor Morrie.Professor morrie ,a larger than life psychology professor whose classes are a hit amongst the students and is more than just a professor,a freind,philospher and a go to person is what describes Morrie.Years later ,the professor happens to be struck with a terminal debilitating disease called ALS which is amyotropic lateral sclerosis,which is a paralysing disease and how the professor comes to terms with it and decides to intelectualize and discuss death and certain life lessons with his favourite student and the whole world.My choice of books are usually the self help and motivational genre and reading them has helped me to stay inspired and hopeful.We all need that,hope? don’t we? it is like a fuel that perpetually needs a refill ,feed to our waxing and waning spirits and no better than reading inspiring stories of hope .

With the beginning of another year,i hope to feed my heart and soul,as they should be the centre of any life story.When you truly commit and do what makes you happy,you would flow on a dance with your soul.

Not just a break…….

Hey folks,well i just happened to see my blog posts,a few years ago from this day and it struck me that ,why did I not continue to weave my experiences in written words? The stereotypical answer,busy with commitments of work ,giving energy to all frivolities and being on a roller coaster of mental well being ,pretty much sums up why i haven’t showed up on my page,at least for my ownself.A lot has happened over the last few years,in fact many years ,close to three years since i wrote my last post.

Having this intense desire to be a wanderlust nomad,i did manifest this wish of mine in a great measure.I can’t stop feeling elated and grateful as i write this article.I truly and strongly ,have always desired to be a travel hippie ,embarking on adventures around the world and my native land, India itself, is a world on its own.I finally was able to do numerous solo expeditions at leisure ,not that this was my first time,but yes the freedom offered by work lifestyle ,that of a digital nomad is the greatest gift that has been a boon of recent times,that has encouraged me to explore places in umpteen measure.In the year 2024 I had been to mcleodganj,dharamshala,amritsar and basically the beautiful state of hilly himachal pradesh ,that is truly soaked in magic .I can’t find the perfect words to describe my experiences there ,as it was so soulful that no words can do justice.I felt at peace ,with a soothing sense of tranquility wrapping me ,as i connected to nature .The nature in the hilly regions of the himalayas is mesmerising to say the least.Being from southern part of India,having mostly seen beaches and certain hill stations,this was undoubtedly, my intimate exposure to the beauty in the rawness of the himalayas.The wild nature, basking in nature with the humans harmoniously co- existing in its presence,no wonder the natives ,also known as pahadis brim with pride in their identity of culture ,that is so closely associated with nature in some way.I must also remark,that the inhabitants of the hilly regions are such kind,warm and such peace loving people,probably they represent the land and nature in some way,taking birth in places like these ,sure defines a person in some way.The geography does have a bearing on how individuals and community of people live and thrive and it is fascinating to say the least to know how everything is so interconnected.

The view of the mesmerising himalayas

My third time to this place and first as a solo traveller, exploring on my own at an unhurried pace has been the best experience of my life,it lit my soul ,so powerfully.I soaked in the place ,breathing with the sights and sounds of the place.I felt profoundly drawn to everything this place held ,right from the nature ,food ,weather and to the warm locals.If home was a feeling ,if ever ,i had to call a place a home,i would have no second thoughts about belonging to this place.I stayed in the picturesque valley at the top of mcleodganj ,the bhagsu area to be precise.The moment i entered this place,i could sense the calming vibe.The time i entered was a transition phase from winters to summer,but the place was still cold,understandably as it is a hilly area.I initially felt a little uncomfortable adjusting to the weather,but over a period of time got used to the cold climate and in fact sort of enjoyed it too.I rented out a hotel room.for 15 days at an affordable price and was so elated at the make and ambience of the room.It perfectly fitted into the idea of a cottage room ,tiny yet spacious and offered the cozy comfort as it should.Just being in the place,felt meditative.I happened to visit the beautiful local monasteries ,the cute market areas and basically walk on the foot in the hilly area ,to be in the intimate presence of the mountains.The ride on the cable,was another special experience,i experienced a sense of wonder,thrill and ecstacy as i witnessed the scenic Himalayas ,while travelling through the cable,a truly delightful anecdote ,to share.I tried the local cafes,savored on the famous dish of siddu on street and enjoyed shopping the colorful shopping stuff of the place.The woolen caps,handmade winterwear and lots of cool woolen clothing were some of the local shopping stuff on display.I had also been to dharmshala and visited a beautiful tea garden and the highest stadium in the world ,which was a treat to the eyes.

The pictures posted above are few of my special.memories of the place.The namgayal monastery in particular,was a resplendent place ,filled with a mesmerizing divine cosmic energy.

Another picture that has ,me holding a piece of bread and butter,is the handmade organic bread and butter made at a local homestay in the place.The homestay was a charming and a tranquil place ,with the hosts focused on health and mindful eating,thus offering homemade organically grown food.I have numerous instances and accounts of how life in the mountains,in the state of himachal and especially the Buddhist place of mcleodganj is nothing short of an abode of tranquility ,how you feel a deeper presence in the serenity beyond words!!

Go all the way…….

Life’s greatest lessons come from falling hard.Through the journey on the rock bottom is built an unabashed self , glistening with the will power to live this life.Yes, i have always been inspired by the failure stories behind successful beings of this planet and this fact is uniaminous too.The stories of the testing times, challenges , obstacles or odds and the sheer courage to face and overcome them is truly inspiring.In these stories of hopelessness, is a sense of hope that no matter what one has to endure, the human spirit is valiant and powerful enough to survive.There is a deeper understanding and a wisdom that comes with failure.You no longer live simply to succeed, as you transcend to realise your will to succeed is even bigger than the success.Success in this case isn’t the objective, but persistence and the attitude to never give up becomes the impetus.

At my lowest and difficult times, i have sheltered myself in the hope infusing words of writers and motivational speakers alike. There is a sense of a rejuvenation, when you are reminded to keep that spark alive.It has been taught and is a generational narrative to look at failure with bitter negativity.As if failing was a catastrophe and should never have happened.What if we are taught otherwise and simply make failure look like less of an enemy.Normalising the fact that failures can be encountered at any point and any sphere of life, makes one to practically recieve failures in an emotionally neutral way, rather than beating ourselves down.If failures can be emphasized as a process of growth and seen in a light of respect , it may serve us a higher purpose.With failures, one is not lost but evolves to be a person with a higher emotional resistance and empathy.

Whether you have failed once or on numerous occasions, it doesn’t matter.What matters is the cynical approach, and what should be learnt is to redirect oneself to a better meaning of life.I quote bukowski’s lines from the poem ” If you are going to try go all the way otherwise don’t even start”.Such simple lines carrying profound meaning.It implies, one should follow the path,devote and committ to a calling one feels is the purpose of life, no matter the impediments faced on the way.The complete poem stimulates bravery to discover the profound strength within.” This could mean losing girlfriends, wives and may be even your mind”.” It could mean not eating for three to four days,it could mean freezing on a parched bench”.It could mean jail” .”It could mean derision, mockery or isolation and isolation is the gift”.

These lines are an ode to the indomitable human spirit.Under extreme conditions, whatever may be the magnitude of crisis, holding on to life and going at any length to overcome it is the purpose of life.The purpose to survive may be at the expense of giving up the comfort and seeming non existent.Sometimes feeling hopeless and going insane all the same time.Facing mockery and humiliation from a society that is so judgemental.In all this , one is all alone in this battle, but this isolation is a gift, a gift to unleash the truest potential.”you will be alone with the gods and the night will flame with fire”.Despite the worst rejections and odds “.You will ride straight into perfect laughter, it’s only a good fight there is”.It is your life, only you have to choose to rise above the rumbles, the chaos with a will of steel and it will all be worth it in the end!.

Beyond the number

I am resting on a couch, with my head supported trying to think of the next few sentences to progress on the topic i chose. The title i have given is quite simple however carrying a multitude of experiences behind .It is late in the evening currently and this is the time, i think at leisure to churn up stories rather weave ideas into a compact read.What do you infer from this title? Well,we have all been governed by numbers and how?.As the adage goes life is a number game and not to count is imprecision.Our life has been quantified right from the time we take birth as our birth time to the estimation of objects and people no matter how big or small.It is no wonder, that we are all trained to think like a horse and measure life in terms of the predefined accomplishments. Be it the marks on the scorecard or the remuneration one earns , a number is sure to stare one in the eyes like a stringent taskmaster.A tough taskmaster for sure motivating one and probably subtracting some satisfaction in life.Why do I say this? In a world filled with differences, comparisons are bound to happen and thus estimating one’s life with other is the norm contributing to the feeling of lack.Our generation of millennials have thankfully realised this to an extent and are trying to erase old herd belief systems that does not serve good.With changing times, a number of concepts have evolved and so does our understanding as one grows with age.

Cutting across to the heart of my title , i just felt a spontaneous need to express a single women’s life beyond the age of 30s.Thirty is a landmark number for our human species applicable to both the genders. Like all things said before, our lives are predetermined set of goals with a timetable to achieve them in a certain quantum of time.Marraige or companionship is one such significant goal that needs to be formalized at a certain age and 30 is the bull’s eye target for the same.Being single in my 30s wasn’t a conscious decision and never deliberate.As much as companionship would have thought me i assume, so has my outstretched independence. Yes it is human to feel lonely and unreasonable to stay happy at all times, but as you grasp the philosophy of impermanence of life, a certain sense of peace dawns with it.Whether one failed to love or be loved , you did understand that your growth as a person or an individual is a stupendous feat on its own.Carrying oneself through unfamiliar times that feel like jolt to little struggles , every incident has collectively shaped the strength that the obvious cannot meet one’s expectations and that it is a non linear life that has the greatest lessons.As a youngster i had a a stack of defined goals and even put in some effort half heartedly or sometimes with aggression to make it work.It never once crossed my mind that i had taken up finding a partner too as a goal and goals aren’t always meant to lend a purpose.If I think that being with a person is a part of a bucketlist , then probably i am objectifying a relationship associated with a sense of fulfillment that comes with it.There is no certainity , as you may or may not be fulfilled.

Remaining single in my 30s has opened a whole new meaning of life.With failures come a sense of acceptance to just observe and let go.Your evolving internal self comes to an understanding that every aspect is dynamic and so are the human relationships. Don’t try too hard to fit into the numbers is what i would want to conclude!!